Saturday 17 December 2022
Medication day 4.
Medication took at 8.46am.
Forced breakfast as I felt so unwell yesterday after coming off the meds, put it down to not eating enough due to loss of appetite, so I made sure I had breakfast before I had meds. I had gluten-free marmite toast, walnuts, and gluten-free fruit buscuits. And no oranges! I wonder if I have been craving orange because my body is trying to reduce the impact of the drugs on me, as I read vitamin C reduces the effectiveness. Lol could be another way my body and mind tries to screw me over.
I have also decided to take it later in the morning as the overwhelming exhaustion after the come down (possibly lack of food related) renders me useless from 6pm onwards, and I want to be less useless later into the day. I am aiming for 8am to take the meds (on work days especially) to combat this, as at least going to bed from exhaustion at 8pm is easier to swallow compared to 6pm, feeling like I’ve been forced to run 15 marathons when still on mum duty. Also, I put alarms in my phone to make sure I eat snacks and meals regularly as hunger is non-existent on these drugs.
Blood pressure at 10.18am – 120/82 103bpm
10.19am 109/82 107bpm
Something marvellous happened to me this morning before I headed out to see Lou and Shirley. I did some housework! I did housework in a calm and controlled manner, and got so much more done than I normally would do flapping around from half a task to the next half a task in a complete frazzled meltdown because I don’t have enough time and too much to do and I dont know where to start! This is the breakthrough I have been looking for! I have never known anything like it. I had 30 minutes. In that time (and a little more, as I still am yet to figure out how long things actually take), I put the washing machine back on a quick wash as I forgot about it for two days, I emptied the dishwasher, I collected all the cups and dishes lurking from around the house, I filled the dishwasher, I turned on the dishwasher, I emptied the drainer, I washed up all the things that couldn’t put in the dishwasher, I cleaned the kitchen sides, I took out the recycling, I emptied all the bad food from the fridge, I emptied the bins, I tidied my bedroom, I put my yoga mat away, I made my bed, I tidied the lounge, I put the dirty washing in the washing basket, I took an ovenproof dish back to mums that had been sat there on my kitchen side for three weeks and I hung up the washing. I know to most people this sounds easy, but to do all this in such a short amount of time without getting distracted, without needing to spend 1/2 hour upfront to write a list of what I need to do before I even start, is monumental progress! I started with the dishwasher and naturally progressed from there, with the end goal in my head to be wherever I am up to when the washing is completed, which is where I will finish for the day. I internally patted myself on the back, instead of a barrage of barating from my internal monologue telling me I am shit and that a “normal” person would not let their house get into such a state. This is by far one of the best outcomes from this medication I could have hoped to receive.
I was late to Lou’s to meet up with her and Shirl. Nothing new there, but instead of feeling guilty, I felt proud because I was late because I was doing housework! Plus, I am always late, so they are used to it.
I felt a bit weird driving to Lou’s, but I couldn’t put my finger on why I felt weird until I left there and started heading to Joe’s for the weekend. I suddenly had the realisation that I was finding driving so painfully boring. Now, this is odd. I love driving normally. I love the music at an ear splitting volume, listening to YouTube videos on whatever current fixation I had, but today, nothing was working. The music wasn’t working at all, and this makes me so terribly sad. Music has been my saving grace for most of my life. It has seen me through every emotion, every distraction, and suddenly, it is not captivating me, I feel like my security rug has been ripped out from underneatg me. This may be a big factor in me deciding if medication is the right route for me. I also found myself feeling less safe driving a long distance. Normally, I feel extremely safe driving, but with the medication, I felt like I didn’t have the control. I didn’t like this one bit.
I got to Joe’s and we had a day of chilling and eating and watching a film. We were going to head out to the theatre or the cinema, but unfortunately, the options were hanging out at a pantomime with a horrific number of screaming kids or going to see Avatar … no thank you to both.
My energy levels remained stable all day, and I even had a nap in the afternoon. I am kind of glad I did, as it proved to myself that if I can sleep very easily when I am pumped full of stimulants, then I most definitely must have ADHD lol. The comedown was non-existent. I fell asleep on the sofa watching the film around 10pm, and I felt fine, a properly sleepy but warm and fuzzy kind of good all at the same time.
Today was a wholly successful day on the medication 🙂
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