Procrastination – What is it?
I was talking to my boyfriend this weekend about procrastination and he asked me to define it. I couldn’t. I could not find the words to show how hard a plight some have with procrastination, so I sought out my best friend Google to help me out and came across this definition.
Procrastination
Noun: the action of delaying or postponing something.
Oxford English Dictionary
This is not the best definition of procrastination. It is so vague and does not explain the issue with any value, so I dug a little further and came across this destructive gem …
Procrastination
To be slow or late about doing something that should be done: to delay doing something until a later time because you do not want to do it, because you are lazy, etc.
Brittanica Dictionary
Brittanica Dictionary has written a pretty damning definition there for those of us that have to deal with chronic procrastination. Using the word “lazy” just validates further all the ill feeling for those that suffer with delibilitating procrastination have heard all their life, “you are just being LAZY”, when in fact it is nothing to do with being lazy, it is to do with being physically unable at that very point in time to complete the task needed to be completed.
Most of us that suffer with an intense form of procrastination have heard those words come out of the mouths of those around us too many times to even hazard a guess as to the number and this causes much distress.
Half the time we are not being slow or lazy, we are just unable to determine what step needs to do be done next and get stuck.
I, myself, am not at all lazy. I have worked since I was 14 years old, I qualified as an accountant in my mid-20s, I worked hard to have a job that pays enough money for me to be comfortable, I am a single mother to a wonderful six year old, I own my own home, yet I am still defined as lazy because I cannot complete simple tasks due to procrastination. I am guessing many of you share a similar or relatable situation to myself.
To the outside world we may look relatively together, but we are like ducks. Gracefully gliding along, all the while frantically paddling our little feet under the cool blue water as to not sink.
A lot of the time it’s not even that we do not want to do the thing we should be doing. Sometimes the things we are procrastinating over are the most exciting activity we have to do on our list, and it is in fact the voices in our head, known infamously to myself as the Voice of Unreason, where we are crippled into submission, unable to start because we are scared to death of failing to perform at a perfect standard.
Perfectionism – The Self Doubt Parasite
Perfectionism is often seen as a positive trait that increases your chances of success, but it can lead to self-defeating thoughts or behaviors that make it harder to achieve goals. It may also cause stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
GoodTherapy – www.goodtherapy.org
Many of us have had it drummed into us from an early age that we need to be perfect and that there is no room for errors to be made or the consequences are severe. That we need to behave perfectly, that we need to perform perfectly, that we need to get the top marks in exams, that we need to be the best, but this is just not a standard that we can reach all the time, not even some of the time.
How can we hope to start a task with perfectionism looming over our heads, when we know that the potential for failure may be an actual outcome. Unfortunately for those who suffer with procrastination, this can make it harder to get started on a task that may result in failure.
Luckily for me, perfectionism only rears it’s ugly head in a few areas of my life: work reports and presentations, craft projects, home DIY projects. The problem is the self doubt that perfectionism feeds on, that is what eeks out further into the lives of those affected, causing ill feeling towards ourselves and our capabilities on a much larger scale.
What can we do to tackle perfectionism triggered procrastination?
1. Remember that there is no such thing as perfect – Perfect is an unattainable standard. Rarely can anyone produce output that is 100% perfect, and this is something we have to take stock of and remember when we feel the self doubt parasite sneaking up on us. As long as we are actively performing to the best of our abilities with professionalism and integrity with the resources we have available (such as time, money, help from others), we are nailing it!
2. Be kind to yourself – Remember to treat every completion of a task as a success, not as an opportunity to criticise yourself. You wouldn’t do that to someone else, so why do it to yourself. Instead of poking holes in your work, turn it on its head and for every one thing that did not go to plan, think of three things that went well, write them all down and reflect and celebrate the successes when you feel the self-doubt monster creeping back in.
3. Don’t “What If” – “What If-ing” is destructive. Most the time when we are in this mode, it is already too late to rectify the issue, but we are stuck in a perpetual downward spiral of beating ourselves up. Stop this now. Thoughts like “what if I had spent Saturday morning cleaning the house, I wouldn’t be in a flap now running around with the vacuum in one hand, a duster in the other and the washing balancing on my head because friends are coming around at short notice”. So what! You don’t have a time machine, you can’t go back in time and do Saturday morning all over again, so stop dwelling on the What Ifs and focus on the What Nexts. Be pragmatic … ask yourself “can you change it?”. If the answer is no, then move on immediately and stop dwelling.
4. Take one step at a time – One of my biggest challenges is completing the housework. I cannot function if I have the task Clean the House on my to do list because it is too big a task for me to know where to start. I have found that writing phased to do lists are very beneficial, where I will pick only five to six small subtasks to complete and that’s it, such as do the dishwasher, empty the kitchen bin, put a load of washing on, empty the dishdrainer, wipe down the hob. Once I have completed those subtasks and crossed them off the list, I will sit down and replan my next five to six tasks for the next phase.
5. Have a break – Sometimes a short break of sitting down on your own for 10 minutes to regroup is all that is needed to reset your mind and to determine what is causing you to feel distressed. Take the short break as an opportunity to clear your mind and start afresh. Meditation can be a really useful tool to help with this. I suggest that setting a timer to ensure you don’t have a “short break” for the next three hours (we are all guilty of this) would be a good idea, otherwise we are back in procrastination mode again.
6. Accountability partner – Find someone in your life to hold you accountable for getting things done. This person needs to be someone you trust to have your best interests at heart, but who will not let you off lightly when excuses come out of your mouth when you have not completed a task you had said you were going to complete. Tell them what you are planning to do and by when, and ask them to check on with you periodically to see if you are on track. This will help you keep focused as you will be accountable to someone else and this can be a successful method of completing tasks as you won’t want to let down your accountability partner. I ask my mother to hold me accountable when I use this method. She takes no prisoners and keeps me on the straight and narrow.
7. Purge bad people out of your life – Sever ties with anyone in your life that has a bad impact on it. You know the type, those that are critical about your every move, that pass judgement and have nothing nice to say. You do not need people like that in your life, you need positive people that love you unconditionally, just the way you are. It may be hard to purge certain people out of your life, for example, family members, but limit your exposure to them as much as possible and keep them away from your day to day life.
8. Therapy – This is more of a long term solution, however if successful, will likely have a long term positive impact on your perfectionism triggered procrastination. I personally went to see a therapist for 18 months, starting in the UK lockdown, and it was one of the best decisions I made as it has had such a positive impact on my life. Spend some time researching a suitable therapist and ask for a free informal chat to see how you get on, as you need a therapist you feel comfortable around for it to be successful.
And finally … Be happy. Be infectiously happy and it will rub off on everyone else around you. Your life will be shiny and happy and full of sunshine, and you can accomplish anything with a positive attitude! ☀️
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. All of my views in this post are based on my own research and personal experiences. Please reach out to your health care provider if therapy is something you feel will be beneficial to you.
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